Why you can’t stick to your decisions

4 Reasons why you can’t stick to your decisions

Time to step up your game

How much does your self-currency weigh in your life stock exchange?

Are your stocks on an all time low in the category of being a loser or on all time high in categories of being an authentic winner? Before you expect the world to invest in you through relationships or business dealings, have you done anything to raise the price of your stocks? The foremost compelling thing to do is make decisions which may sound difficult or bold but support the long term goals for your stocks evaluation. The decision could range anywhere from building a new company, quit smoking or going vegan for life.

But sometimes no matter what & how much we do, it’s almost impossible to stay on with decisions that we intend to pursue. This never lets your stocks to move up from being just a loser. Yes the word hurts if personified to any of us. Here outlining the knots that are keeping you away from your idea of a fabulous life.

Difference between conviction & convenience

What is really governing you to invest in a decision? Is it to explore a fancy idea that will make you look like an influential figure or commit to an intention that brings hope for the life that you always wanted? If it’s just a wish-list then our efforts to make it a reality would be lot like that make up which we wear before a party. It makes it convenient for us to look more sociable & likeable temporarily. However once the party is over, we begin to feel it like a burden & want to get rid of it as soon as possible. On the contrary think about a person battling a life threatening disease who wants to fight it out with a conviction to stay forever close to his loved ones. This decision is coming from his bones & very unlikely that he could take any efforts taken in that direction for granted.

Next time take a decision out of conviction & not convenience. It will both save time & efforts.

Lesser deliberation on why

“Once you know your why, you can survive almost any how” – Viktor Frankl

In a world where staying busy is in fashion, the “what” of a decision is celebrated like a hero & “why” is overlooked as the actor who was promised a big role in the movie but ended up with a flimsy presence. The “what” of a decision depicts the possibilities that can help achieve key goals. In hindsight, the “what” resonates with successful role models or narratives of the herd mentality disguised as accepted societal norms. The hack to crack the code of this vicious cycle is by deliberating enough on “why” we want to do “what” we decide to do. The reasons behind “why” captures the self context in view of the world while being aware about the opportunity cost of not taking that decision as well. The intentions of why is more about creating a life which is designed & not photocopy of what everyone else thinks.

Focusing on “what” gives us logical reasons to pursue our decisions. Focusing on “why” empowers us to stick to our decisions & take actions

Long term goals but short term expectation

Have you tried chasing the mirage of water on a hot day while being on a long drive from Mumbai to Goa? I did it relentlessly like a child who believes in magic. I learned with time that there was actually no water on the road. But it did left me amused on seeing its connection to real life. We too build some long term goals with glitter of hope in our eyes & deep excitement in our hearts. These goals possess the power to transform our lives & we want them accomplished tomorrow. But the truth is everything takes its own sweet time for it to bloom in its best version. Don’t expect them to be realized too soon because if they were small enough then they may not have featured as a dream that you were longing for.

Keep hope since that’s all that we have. Keep working because that’s all that matters.

Lack of self-love

“Self-love is the greatest middle finger of all times”

There have been times when it can feel that the whole world is against you. No matter what’s done to fix it, you’re being constantly targeted. A friend is disappointed when you say no to go out for a drink. Parents might show their dissonance with the choice of your life partner. Some colleagues are inherently pissed because you did not succumb to their tactics. We might put up a bold face to hide our vulnerabilities but somewhere deep within we are worried about being disliked. We are anxious about what others are going to think. This lack of self belief hijacks our center of control to the point of deviating us from the key decisions that we seek to endeavor. A key to unlocking this mindless drama is self-love. Simply put self love is to worry about yourself instead of loving the idea of other people loving you. It will not only bring back the control but would make you aware of the times when you are facilitating other agendas in the hope of being liked.

With self-love, you shall stick to the decisions that are best for you & done worrying about what anyone feels about it.

Conclusion

Listen to the call of the wild, it never lies. Wild represents the universe that exists within you. The art of sticking to your decisions lies with you. Don’t look for it outside…

Why feeling is the new thinking…

While writing this piece, I am super confused in my head! I precisely don’t know if I am thinking through the thoughts or feeling my emotions to express it in simple words that my audience can understand. If I dig deeper into the process then to my shocking surprise, I see my feelings flowing through language waiting to be released in this world. Not really for any approvals or need but to just feel expressed. It’s leaving with me a sense of rejuvenation, to be heard & peaceful. But more importantly, it’s leaving me with a meaning of living my truth.

To this day every decision of my life that was lead by my feelings was most unpredictable & yet relevant for me as a person. They however in no way aligned with what society expected me to do but it came across as my masterstroke which changed my life forever. The guilt over the years for not living up to the expectations of close family & friends still haunts me. I am still owning it up & waiting to move over a nicer feeling of pride that I did what I needed to at the right time & place. Participating in a choreography competition in college while you have been handed a report card that shows failed in 2 subjects to choosing to stop pursuing a career for which I spent 4 years studying it. The decision to choose a life partner that doesn’t fit in worldly landscapes to picking up the property next to a beach without passing it through the logic funnel. The list is just endless.

This courage to see the world through your own eyes wasn’t built in a day & somewhere is still in progress. Looking back at my life, I feel happy to have made those decisions that slowly built my character. A character that’s not better or less. It is just me & I choose to be proud of it. The journey of becoming me was brutally faced with unending competition, fierce professional perfection & societal needs to be successful. I finally decided to go in the world empowered with weapons of education, diplomacy & the art of communication and did come out successfully. However, it never explained the self-doubt, anxiety & confusion that seemed to prevail all this while. I tried to outsmart myself by not recognizing those feelings but failed at the game I plotted repeatedly. Someone has rightly said when you make fool of people, you are actually making fool of yourself.

I just knew something needed to be done but didn’t know what, till I started asking myself “how am I feeling”? This question magically plugged me to my internal GPS & triggered all possible explorations of where I might go. The self-doubt slowly began to fade away with clarity on the need to accept your being every day. Almost like a livein relationship with someone without making it official. There were days when I chose to disagree with the top boss in the corporate boardroom filled with peers since my opinion came from my bones & I knew it was just right for the team. I pat myself kudos for that day irrespective of whether the viewpoint was accepted or not. Then there are days I said yes to someone for an association in spite of getting a NO from my internal GPS. That day I tried keeping compassion by saying that to err is human. But never did I ignore my feelings again which gave me a preview to my mental health. Dealing though has never been a cakewalk but it indeed is worth its while. So the feeling is the new thinking for me. If it doesn’t feel right, it’s not for me! If it feels right, it’s my decision no matter what.

We are slaves of our emotions

I find this absolutely funny to be negotiating prices for veggies over the weekend in the local market & consider it as an achievement if I manage to save some cents on that. But what I find funnier than that is spending $5 for a pint of beer in a bar with a close friend which actually costs $1 if I would pick it up from the wine shop with NO sense of guilt. If the logical mind was the only way to think through decision making than how we justify this dichotomy. That’s why someone has rightly said:

Emotions lead to actions; Reasons Leads to conclusion

The feeling of spending time with someone you share your life with is in itself a profound experience. Logically it might be difficult to explain the extra spend but the feeling can just cut the confusion & say the experience that you are spending on is just priceless. Money becomes just a piece of paper with which you buy your happiness. Needless to mention the futile exercise of justifying spend to our minds with the theory of relativity from different examples is unending. And we do it without realizing that the easiest thing to do in this world is to make fool of yourself.

Balanced versus perfect life

Do you find your life like a clown in the circus? Almost like a Snooze or ON button. You press snooze & we are sleeping unaware & totally disconnected from the worldly affairs. You press ON & we start juggling balls named career, relationships, fitness, finances, or spiritual growth. We seem to be doing it effortlessly & look perfect. But then when I look at the health statistics world over for people suffering from depression, anxiety, obesity, cancer, heartaches & many more, I just go numb. I begin to feel a lot of lies in this whole truth that we experience as reality. This huge gap makes me question why are we doing so many transactions & for whom? I apologize if the word “transaction” didn’t go too well with you while you read this piece but that’s exactly how I see this as.

Balance is not something you find, it’s something that you create.
The key to finding a balance is to be in touch with your feelings. I remember going to a wedding of my friend who decided to run away just before the rituals were about to start. Yes, it did sound irresponsible to me in the first place but beneath within I was jealous for the guts my friend managed to gather & say no while sitting with the entire society who came over to bless him. Thankfully he is happily married with a kid to his wife whom he met in a dingy hostel of Madrid while traveling. When I asked him later about his horrible decision of embarrassing everyone at his wedding then he just said – “Somehow it didn’t feel right”

Conclusion

It’s not about how the world looks at us. But about how I look at myself. The feeling can be the guiding light to understanding oneself better & to establish a respectful relationship. The way I look at myself is how the world will look at me.

Why money is worth all the hype?

I wonder at the madness with which people chase money & in some cases all their lives. No matter how many zeroes they add, it never seems to be enough. It’s not enough because every zero that we add to the number 1 represents a new possibility that defines freedom to the next level. The irony however is what sets us free keeps us hooked all the time. You can love me. You can hate me. But you can’t ignore me. Yours unfaithfully MONEY

But is it justified to blame the money which technically is not more than just a piece of paper? Yes, it can do wonders for us only if we need it to. That need is simply defined by us. I might just need a pot of coffee, a balanced diet for lunch & maybe a glass of wine in a house with a window overlooking a mountain. Oh! I forgot the fresh drinking water, electricity, house rent, a table on which I could keep my laptop on which I’m currently working. Oh, shit….there is more to the list! What about my clothes, a car to drive around, some cash to go on dates, buy a bottle of scotch for a friend whose birthday I’m visiting. Oh my god, I completely forgot the travel I need to make at my home town to visit my parents as they are getting old. This loop can just be unending. So the truth is not about how much is enough but in defining what is enough. I might require money to buy stuff that I don’t need but make me feel complete. The beauty industry is a testament to that. In the same breath, co-exists a possibility that I might just decide to skip the need for actual money & surrender to life for taking care of itself like “Saddhu” you find on the banks of Ganga river in Varanasi India. So in a way money in itself doesn’t have any meaning unless we put one to it. This meaning comes from our understanding of self & therefore the needs associated with it.

Money shows who you are at the core!

The current difficult times are looming large with the ongoing pandemic situation in the world. With the announcement of complete lockdown, I decided to move to my hometown with a bag having some of my basic clothing & personal care kit. Never did I realize that I won’t be able to get back to the city where I work for the next 4 months as of today while I am writing this piece. This situation has changed the way I look at myself. My rented apartment had all the stuff I “thought” I needed however I lived happily for the next 4 months without feeling the pain of missing anything even once. Just to put things in perspective, I could manage without my shoe range (boots/sneakers/slip-on/ sandals/black & brown leather shoes) & managed with just a pair of loafer’s leftover at my parents place a long time back by my brother. It taught me that I am a minimalist & introvert soul who is trying too hard in the external world to show otherwise with mindless consumerism of things, people & social masks.

Money makes societies inclusive or exclusive.

On a laidback trip to Vienna, I was taken by surprise on my 2nd day. I checked into a boutique hotel which was sort of a bungalow in a quiet hilly town on the outskirts of the city. We were too tired after waking up early to leave for this place & had 3 big bags of luggage along with my ex & sister. I pre-booked a room with a view of the mountain on the 1st floor. Little did I know that there was just 1 person to help in the hotel who was supposed to leave sharp at 6 PM. After the checking-in, we asked for help to take the luggage up to our floor. This help duly came & said, “Sir, I am afraid that I might not be able to help you today as my working hours are over”. Before I could say anything, he swiftly moved towards his car & left the hotel. We finally ordered a cup of tea, gathered the courage & took our sweet time to move the luggage in our rooms. It taught me that personal lives are important irrespective of which financial strata of the society you belong to. Since money distribution is quite even in Europe so the quality of life for the lowest denominator is also considered very well.

On the contrary to this worldview, there exists countries where the gap between rich & poor is shockingly huge & so is the odd money distribution. The rich people do not perceive money as means anymore but a power associated with an exclusive club of millionaires or billionaires. It’s a symbol that they have arrived which brings an invisible right that the best life must belong to them only. This manifests with sea-facing mansions, luxurious yachts, personal chartered flights, or expensive cars to name a few. And on the same land lies a huge population of people who lives in slums housing 4-10 people in a single room of about 100-120 Sqft. There are no separate toilets. They have to go out, stand in queues to finish their business in public washrooms. They work in the most unhygienic conditions & mostly are daily wagers. The concept of personal life doesn’t seem to exist here; yes maybe the idea of the same is more than enough.

Money comes to those who never chase it

Money making is a journey where the destination is insignificant & intentions of what you create as a value proposition is all that matters.

“If you make meaning, you’ll make money” – Guy Kawasaki
We make this meaning by being useful to a certain audience and can happen in many ways like inspiring, entertaining, informing, or making someone’s life simply better. The media mogul Oprah Winfrey agreed at an event that the reason for her financial success is that her focus was never on the money. She brought the most inspiring stories on her show in the most entertaining & intriguing ways for her audience & nothing else mattered. This simple insight could make her $4billion net-worth women featuring in an exclusive list of the world’s richest 500 people on earth.

Conclusion

Money can make your life look like an amazing dream or an existential hell. It’s that oil which makes different parts of a system work together as a flawless machine & yet has the power to jam it as we can see in world markets today. It cannot define us but certainly impact us. So for me, is it necessary? The answer is yes. Is it most important? The answer probably is no. The real problem lies when money becomes a habit & it begins to define us. Alternatively, we may have a lot of money while we experience our best life yet not be attached to it at all. It is this freedom that’s brilliant.